Dating sabbatical com
I was numb to new prospects, and unsure what I was looking for.For me, dating has always been about building a long-term connection—one that I had never been able sustain.I subconsciously started to recognize how exhausted I was.Historically, I’d tossed my energy at whatever my whims desired, and these characteristics—charming, confident, successful, witty—usually depleted me of my otherwise healthy self-esteem.I appreciate the way my friend Mike boosts his girlfriend Jordan's sense of independence during an incredibly busy time in her life.I like the way my best friend’s boyfriend makes an effort to engage in her life, with her friends and her interests.It’s easy to get sucked in by articulate charmers, especially if you have somewhat of a “fix it” or savior complex; Even after the breakup, you want to see true change in the person. When I’d kindly but firmly decline his invitation for dinner or coffee, as I always did, he’d find ways to press buttons that made me hurt all over again.One moment, it was “you were the best girlfriend I’ve ever been with,” and the next “we were never really together.” I’d smile, tell him I wished him well, and bite back the floodgates.
Looking back one year later, my brain has blotted out much of the months I spent with my ex.
Maybe relationships weren’t about fixing a person at all. So with the dawn of 2016, I actually started to think about what I needed in a relationship—not what I wanted or was instantly drawn toward, but the qualities that would make me feel safe and supported.
I looked for times I felt that way, or saw authentically supportive gestures in real life.
I was sitting at the prettiest date restaurant, out with a guy I’d met several days before at a mixer.
He was sweet and upbeat, talkative and seemingly driven.I like that one of my guy friends always silently does the right thing simply for the sake of doing it, not because he’s going to get anything in return. I warm whenever he notices I am selling myself short or subtly downplaying my accomplishments.