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With those, you will send a few messages back and forth before he invites you for a drink.

You will put on some mascara, plunge out into the snow, meet a stranger, and after an hour of slightly stilted conversation, he will grab the check.

Why can’t I apply this “equal investment” attitude to the getting of dates and not just the paying for dates?

***** It’s a little too far past January 1st to call this a New Year’s Resolution, but I’ve decided to make a change.

Finally, one of the cool girls writes back, and you will banter a bit, swapping favorite restaurants or concert venues.

You will march home to an empty inbox and the desire to spend another hour browsing and writing will start to fade.

***** You might think online dating would create some much-needed “fairness” between the sexes.

In the realm of hetero courtship, tradition still reigns supreme.

This is not the behavior I would expect of a feminist, sex-positive 21st century lady. Why would I put myself through the rollercoaster of the drafting, the editing, the sending, the waiting, the hoping, the checking, and the sighing in disappointment when the fact of my gender (and let’s be real; that’s really all it is) means the attention comes to me?

It’s not behavior I’m particularly proud of either. Why don’t I reach out to the dudes with the funny handles and good taste in books, the ones who post pictures with goofy faces and like tacos almost as much as I like tacos? I wish the evidence pointed to something else, something egalitarian and modern, but when I get real with my own online dating M. I’ve sent messages to guys before, sure, but the ratio is small. This is not how I want this work, but I condone it with my inaction.

I do not want to be a passive participant in my romantic life.

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