Boundaries in dating by dr henry cloud
God’s love for us is a sacrificial love, not a controlling love.He loves us, and He lets us choose whether or not to be in a close relationship with Him. The Father’s love never wavered, but he let that kid go into the far country and live in a pigsty until he was ready to come home.The way I respect him in that situation is by letting him feel how he feels. When I am first very clear and honest about what I feel and what I need and what I want, I can then make a real choice.I can choose what I want, or I can make a choice that is not exactly what I want, out of sacrificial love for the other person. When I am not clear and honest about what I feel and what I want, then I will spend a whole lot of my time giving other people what I think they want, hoping that they will in return spend an equal amount of energy giving me what I want.
It is true that, with boundaries, my husband makes choices for himself, and those choices are not always what I want. That’s hard, and I have to learn to trust that God will be with me, even when I am scared and disappointed and hurt and angry. It is also true that, with boundaries, I make choices for myself, and those choices are not always what my husband wants. I have had to learn to trust that the he will be okay, even if I disappoint him.I don’t think that was a fun time for anybody, but it speaks to me when I think about how freedom and responsibility and love and boundaries all work together.I wish I could tell you that having good boundaries will for sure fix your life into exactly what you want it to be, right now, today.That’s a “sacrifice” for the purpose of manipulation.And while that might masquerade as love, it’s just control with lipstick on it.Because when we hold onto our boundaries, and battle through with God’s help, there is real love and real relationship and real freedom waiting at the end of the road.